Saturday, November 26, 2016
Conversations: Easier than you think, but harder than you can ima...
Conversations: Easier than you think, but harder than you can ima...: Your choices can make or break your life. Whether it's the people you choose to have in your life, the habits you form, or the response...
Monday, November 21, 2016
Easier than you think, but harder than you can imagine.
Your choices can make or break you. Whether it's the people you choose to have in your life, the habits you form, or the response you give to a tough situation, your choices determines your path in life. When given the option to do something that is easy or enjoyable we usually jump on it. What about the choice that involves some risk? If it fails or doesn't pan out we feel like we made a mistake. That's not always true. What about those situations you put yourself in that turned out completely different than you expected but the result was still good? Or mixed? What you thought would be hard was easy, and what you thought would be easy was hard. Right? Right.
There have many choices in my life that turned out this way. More than I can count. My most recent choice that put me in that position happened one year ago when I became a foster parent.
We have a couple tweens and a baby. Are we nuts? Yes. Wouldn't have it any other way. Let me tell you why, not because I'm all that exciting but I think
Most people tell me they would have a hard time with older kids. Unfortunately it's the older kids that are the most at risk and have faced the most pain. You see, as the foster parent I have the freedom to set the age limits on what kids might come live in my home. At first, it seemed daunting to accept anyone but a baby or at least a toddler. After all, what could be more awkward than some 6th grader coming in to your house all of sudden. Right?
Sometimes the distance between mediocrity and greatness is the size of a big island called "Awkward." So we decided that as followers of Jesus we would be wise to see those "blossoming" teenagers as opportunities. Opportunities to be a constant source of love, honesty, kinds, and compassion. Opportunities to help someone at a crucial point in life make the right choices. Let's face it, they're lives are so hard and how they respond to it now will make all the difference later on in life. When you look at people through the right lens it's easier to make the right decision. In short, embrace the "awkward," and dive into getting to know these amazing, complicated, angry, talented, lonely, fantastic individuals.
Having said all that about the loverly tweens I will say this: It's easier than I thought it would be. It wasn't as awkward or strained as I thought it would be. Easier to connect with them. Easier to laugh with them, hold them...easier to see them as my family. To look at them as my own, even though they aren't. I love them. I always will.
What's harder than you can imagine is the challenge that enters my mind at least once a day. One day, they won't live with me anymore. One day, I won't be a part of their lives. The older kids might reach out, they say they'll visit but who knows? What if their parents don't want them to? What about the baby? He certainly doesn't know what's happening. What about that bond that was formed? What about how much I'll miss them or how empty it will feel once they are gone. I'm sure I'll want more foster kids when these one become reunited with their family but no one can replace them. Reunited. Restoration. Redemption. These are words I focus on when my emotions get in the way. I imagine what it would be like if I had never accepted these children into my home. I know I did the right thing, and that's how I get through it. My trust in God goes deeper than believing things will be ok one day. It goes into the very fabric of my decision making that tells me, "He will give me the strength to say goodbye and love to keep them close while they are in my life."
A lot of people have warned me not to get attached. Although they mean well they don't truly understand how crucial attachment is for the child. They need to bond with you. They need someone that will be consistent, dependable, nurturing, and so on. Put yourself in child's place for a moment. If you were ripped from your home one day and placed in another's wouldn't you want them to completely accept you? You would want to be welcomed in and loved, right? After the awkwardness fell off and the strangeness of a new home left, you would want to be a part of the home you were in. One thing is certain, you would not want your new foster family to be distant and cold towards you so that they would not become, "attached." #selfish
Remember that risky decision you made that actually had a good outcome? This would be my good outcome. My kids have my heart. All of it. Nothing has challenge my character like this experience. I had no idea what it meant to love unconditionally. Although I still have much to learn, I believe God has helped me take some steps in the right direction. Through it all, I have seen how your love for another person can slowly seep into the places in their heart that are broken, scared, and angry and bring to life what was dead. That's what God's love is all about.
So I tuck kids in for an hour sometimes before leaving them for the night. I hug their necks and kiss their cheeks. I tell them I love them. I pray. I make up funny voices to cheer them up. I get attached. You would too, and you wouldn't regret any of it.
What's facing you these days? Is there something you've been putting off because you don't think it will work out the way you want it to? Be honest with yourself, nothing ever works out the way you think it will. Maybe this time, it will even better than you expected. Maybe someone will be helped that you've never even met before. Maybe you'll learn you have abilities that were hidden underneath the surface of your fear. It may help to ask your self a few questions, " What might happen if I don't do this?" "Who will be let down if I don't act?" "Am I really using my skills and talents to serve others or myself?" Those are just a few to start with. So go out there and take a risk. The sky's the limit. It'll be easier than you think, but harder than you can imagine.
There have many choices in my life that turned out this way. More than I can count. My most recent choice that put me in that position happened one year ago when I became a foster parent.
We have a couple tweens and a baby. Are we nuts? Yes. Wouldn't have it any other way. Let me tell you why, not because I'm all that exciting but I think
Most people tell me they would have a hard time with older kids. Unfortunately it's the older kids that are the most at risk and have faced the most pain. You see, as the foster parent I have the freedom to set the age limits on what kids might come live in my home. At first, it seemed daunting to accept anyone but a baby or at least a toddler. After all, what could be more awkward than some 6th grader coming in to your house all of sudden. Right?
Sometimes the distance between mediocrity and greatness is the size of a big island called "Awkward." So we decided that as followers of Jesus we would be wise to see those "blossoming" teenagers as opportunities. Opportunities to be a constant source of love, honesty, kinds, and compassion. Opportunities to help someone at a crucial point in life make the right choices. Let's face it, they're lives are so hard and how they respond to it now will make all the difference later on in life. When you look at people through the right lens it's easier to make the right decision. In short, embrace the "awkward," and dive into getting to know these amazing, complicated, angry, talented, lonely, fantastic individuals.
Having said all that about the loverly tweens I will say this: It's easier than I thought it would be. It wasn't as awkward or strained as I thought it would be. Easier to connect with them. Easier to laugh with them, hold them...easier to see them as my family. To look at them as my own, even though they aren't. I love them. I always will.
What's harder than you can imagine is the challenge that enters my mind at least once a day. One day, they won't live with me anymore. One day, I won't be a part of their lives. The older kids might reach out, they say they'll visit but who knows? What if their parents don't want them to? What about the baby? He certainly doesn't know what's happening. What about that bond that was formed? What about how much I'll miss them or how empty it will feel once they are gone. I'm sure I'll want more foster kids when these one become reunited with their family but no one can replace them. Reunited. Restoration. Redemption. These are words I focus on when my emotions get in the way. I imagine what it would be like if I had never accepted these children into my home. I know I did the right thing, and that's how I get through it. My trust in God goes deeper than believing things will be ok one day. It goes into the very fabric of my decision making that tells me, "He will give me the strength to say goodbye and love to keep them close while they are in my life."
A lot of people have warned me not to get attached. Although they mean well they don't truly understand how crucial attachment is for the child. They need to bond with you. They need someone that will be consistent, dependable, nurturing, and so on. Put yourself in child's place for a moment. If you were ripped from your home one day and placed in another's wouldn't you want them to completely accept you? You would want to be welcomed in and loved, right? After the awkwardness fell off and the strangeness of a new home left, you would want to be a part of the home you were in. One thing is certain, you would not want your new foster family to be distant and cold towards you so that they would not become, "attached." #selfish
Remember that risky decision you made that actually had a good outcome? This would be my good outcome. My kids have my heart. All of it. Nothing has challenge my character like this experience. I had no idea what it meant to love unconditionally. Although I still have much to learn, I believe God has helped me take some steps in the right direction. Through it all, I have seen how your love for another person can slowly seep into the places in their heart that are broken, scared, and angry and bring to life what was dead. That's what God's love is all about.
So I tuck kids in for an hour sometimes before leaving them for the night. I hug their necks and kiss their cheeks. I tell them I love them. I pray. I make up funny voices to cheer them up. I get attached. You would too, and you wouldn't regret any of it.
What's facing you these days? Is there something you've been putting off because you don't think it will work out the way you want it to? Be honest with yourself, nothing ever works out the way you think it will. Maybe this time, it will even better than you expected. Maybe someone will be helped that you've never even met before. Maybe you'll learn you have abilities that were hidden underneath the surface of your fear. It may help to ask your self a few questions, " What might happen if I don't do this?" "Who will be let down if I don't act?" "Am I really using my skills and talents to serve others or myself?" Those are just a few to start with. So go out there and take a risk. The sky's the limit. It'll be easier than you think, but harder than you can imagine.
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